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Everything feels so empty now.
Friday, October 30, 2009 9:22 PM  My tears flow long and wide, i just crawl up in the corner and hide. I wish they could see the sadness from me. They take away the pleasure and give me pain. Its really hurting, and really killing deep inside. I'd just feel i've lost everything. Every single thing that i own. Its so bad that i couldn't take it. I know you knew how much i felt. How terrible it is, how crushed i felt. I'd thought things might heal, but its just getting worser. God, please enlighten this pain. Enlighten our burden please. I didn't know that my instincts came out to be true. And i'd really hate it. I've never expect it. I've never want things to end this way. Why ?! Im just feeling so paranoid, fucked up, sad and so crushed to lil' bits. Only the walls are hearing me cry every night. Its just so painful that these tears dried up till it can't flow anymore. Dear God, please answer my prayers. Hear me out cause' no one else would. Everything is full of sorrow now. I feel so empty, i feel so lonely. I wilt when you aint around. I don't know who am i now. I don't know what im supposed to do. I'd feel so lost and empty. I need guidance. I need help. Please God. I remember yesterday, when we said our last goodbye. I remember yesterday, when you told me not to cry. I remember yesterday, like it was today. I remember yesterday, and i don't know what to say. *Don't lose all those smiles. Keep smiling and never be tired of it. Stay strong to overcome everything that pass you. Just keep in mind that I'm always there if you need a listening ear.
{ i reallyreally miss you. } Missing you.
Monday, October 26, 2009 8:59 PM  Missing you, The way you look me in the eyes, The way you laugh, talk and smile. When I’m with you my heart pounds fast, When we’re apart my heart rips in two. All my life I never thought I’d feel this way. Laying on my bed, all alone in the dark, crying Missing you. I hug my pillow believing that its you, I know there is other people in the world, But i don’t want them i want you and only you. One tear strolls down my cheek then another then another, I won’t stop this till you’re right here by my side. Missing your smile, missing the things you do, I sit on my bed, Missing you. I need you, I want you and I’ll feel this way until I have you. You wipe away my tears, You frighten away my fears. My life is incomplete without you, My heart is apart till I have you, I pray, I wish, and dream till the day I’ll be with you until then I’ll be here, Missing you.
My days are dull without you.
Saturday, October 24, 2009 2:55 PM  This loneliness, this boredom, this fear. Its all clinging onto me. My days are getting darker, thinking if there's still tomorrow. Im just too afraid of so many things now. I couldn't get hold of myself. I don't know who i am now. Why do i have to be like this ? I've got no means to hurt anyone, not even you bestestfriend. Its not that i do not want to share things with you, but its just aint the right time now. I've just gotta keep these things to myself now. Let me hold onto all these myself. I have to learn to be independent right ? Like what you once said. Im still wondering if i could still stay strong and be the same old me. If possible, i just want everything to be like before. But i know there aint any hopes. I'd just feel like giving up right now. But i know that i've started this game, so i should end this game too. Is everything gonna end so soon ? Is all happiness are meant to be shattered within the shadows ? Only God knows how much i feel now. How much i needed you. I know i can't lose hope right now. I know ive gotta fight for the best. Is it getting better ? Or is it just getting worst ? Just so you know, im staying strong cause' of you. How much you really means to me, how much it all worth. It aint easy, i admit. But we're gonna go through every shit together right ? Honestly, im just so afraid. Thinking of it day and night, made me tear of how much more are we supposed to go through. I know you're too busy now, and i made up my mind not to bother you no matter how much i need you now. No matter how much i miss you. It hurts, it aches. But i'd believed its parts and parcels of life too. There's a saying that goes, problems will make us a better and a stronger person. I just aint sure with that quote right now. I don't get whether im more stronger now, or am i just getting weaker ? As days passed, i guess things are getting apart ? Im sure, im confident that we can end every shit together. God, strenghten this heart. Lighten our path, please.
This Dilemma.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 12:26 PM  Updating too often is what im really lazy about. So readers ,hope you understand. What more ,I'm not really in a mood lately. Too many things are bugging me. I guess i shall just keep things to myself right now. It just ain't a perfect moment now. So yeaa ,had last paper -Physics on friday. And that friday afternoon ,went to Grandlink. Had fun ,sang & screamed like no one's business. Took two hours and then off to Tampines Mall to eat since we've got no plans. LJS-ed and then fool around at ToysRus. Usop and Ayeem are like maddogs playing around with the hula-hoops and swords around the entire ToysRus. Funny funny. Pictures on Friday (lazy to edit ,hee) :        At ToysRus. (:   Zaina ,dearest preetayer cousin. ♥   Can you see his big earing ? xD  Usop ,gerek-est abg sdare. ♥  Had a tiring run and disturbing each other like mad people. HAHAHAH. On saturday ,Ferah invited to her mom's birthday party. I was like o.O Just knew her ,so I'm like yeaaa. And like so OMFGZXZX ,Acan's her brother ?! And finally ,we met each other ?! Chaotic siolzxzxzx. Some pictures on saturday with Ferah's mom.  Ferah love. ♥  Cute kan dier ? ♥  Malik with cutestuff. ♥   Happy Birthday Aunty. (:   Malik ,gyler-est lil' cousin. ♥ Slept over at their crib and went to meet mom and aunts at Bedok interchange in the afternoon. Blabla ,went to Khai's crib and from there dad picked us up. Got home ,and im tired. Let the pictures do the talking alright ? ((:  Mat mner eyh ni ? M A L I K.   Khai ,the gala-cousin. ♥  Aunty & Mom. ♥  The two menantus' & the mak mentua. HAHA !  Yearning for those touch.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 7:47 PM  As days passed ,things get weirder. Life seemed complicated. People seemed losing hope. It is really a challenge at times that made us a stronger person in life. Having to know what we miss made ourselves realised of how much we treasure and cherish it very much. This life ,this person ,this change ,made it so different. I've come to know what life really is now. How is life supposed to be when you're missing something valuable ? Nothing could change fate and i shall leave everything to Him. I want to be a confidate ,your bestest friend ,a laughing partner and someone that really brings a meaning in your life. I want to share those critical times ,those laughing times with you. I never want to see you down ,i never want to see your pain. Im confused ,im paranoid. What should i do now ? It just felt so wrong. Happy moments do not track all the way. It must have got its ending and tears will then begin to flood those tracks. Am i still strong to overcome this ?
Awaiting what's up next.
Sunday, October 11, 2009 11:54 AM  Just got up now. (: Feeling afraid and anxious of what's up next. & hopefully i could be able to do my math paper tomorrow. Sigh. Going out to uncle's open house later & geez ,lesser time to revise. I had the whole day to myself yesterday & so i did revisions on math. Friday night was awesome! It was Laila's birthday & also her open house. Her mom invited us ,so yeaap we attended. The bashing part was fun! Sorry girl ,that i had to be the first one to 'cake' your face. Hahah. Like yeaa ,it was Laila's birthday. But instead ,the lil' kids tend to run after us to sabotage us. Like wth siaa. The five of us ran like madfucks & thinking of escaping. In the end ,sabotaged still by those lil' kids. They're cute! Laila was badly bashed by those lil' kids & her cousins. Funny sia. On the other hand ,i miss the old Afi. You just seemed so different now ,pal. Your words seemed nothing to me. Where's the old us? The old three best friends? Like yeayea ,there aint anymore. You are just making me hating you more? It seemed like i don't know you anymore. Infact ,you are just like a stranger. Alright ,forget about it. I don't wanna talk about it any longer now. Now ,im really afraid to face reality. Im just worried of what's in store next. Im always praying & hoping for the best. Im tryna stay strong while i still can. Breaking down is what im tryna avoid most. But at times im just too weak but to break down & cry. Am i a good daughter ? Am i a good friend ? Am i a good sister ? Dear God ,give me strength to overcome all these. Give me a strong heart & soul to endure all these. Yes ,its not always good things that happen in our life. There are sad & unexpected ones. But im really hoping that my prayers will be answered & things going smoothly. There are just moments we couldn't go against with. Hear me out ,God.
These torns.
Saturday, October 10, 2009 11:43 AM  Please, my love, do not cry I am right here by your side. I do what i can to help you out And still i hear you scream and shout. It breaks my heart to see your pain Breaking down again and again. It's not your fault, you're not to blame It's all the fake people playing their games. But i am as real as can be I just need you to confide in me. Take my hand and together we'll walk Forget about those people, of them we shan't talk. Leave them there so you can shine With them gone you'll be at your prime. I've seen a glimpse of the real you And the sight is such a spectacular view. A tender heart is what you acquire People's love is of what it requires. Another day lived brings even more distress Maybe someday we can clean up this mess. But until then, promise to try to stay strong. - you are not alone together we stand i'll be by your side you know i'll take your hand when it gets cold & feels like the end. HARI RAYER♥
Sunday, October 4, 2009 10:33 PM  Finally backk to update rayer pictures! ^.^ Since that i was sick lately ,i have yet to update it now. Gahh. Rayer can be said fun & some part boring. But recently it was fun! YAY ^.^ Just got back from rayer outing. So let the pictures do the talking alright? Sorry guys that its quite outdated for now. =.=' Pictures Talk !              The bunch that went out on 250909.  The bunch that came to my house on 260909. Sorry guys that i can't entertain. My house was packed & im quite busy. Sorry tawuk!   The sevens' on 021009.  Many yet to update. But i guess i shall end here. Im tired now. Goodnight ,sweetdreams.
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