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Broken.
Saturday, February 27, 2010 12:42 AM  Sometimes i wonder, how does it feel to be homeless? How does it feel to be alone without friends nor relatives? Life's then nothing but just a piece of shit you've to live with. Friends come and go. But sometimes they just don't realise the meaning of friendship that they have been holding on few years back till the very present now. How saddening could it ever be to know that your friends don't seemed to care anymore about the friendship that you've built that managed to last despite all unacceptable critics being thrown. I know that no matter how much im trying to spill things out, it just won't be fixed back as a whole. Remembering those laughters and jokes we had just now, it just reminds me of those old times we used to have. It was the exact same us yet it was only for temporary, i knew it. Everything won't last long in whatever relationships. Im losing my ground and i really don't know who to turn to. My world seemed so dark indeed lonely. I really need you girls at my worst. But where are all of you now? Im sure everyone noticed the big changes, still no one seemed to care? Just in 'hoping' that things will get better soon as per normal. Could it ever be when we're not even trying? Could it? I don't see any way out now. I've got so may things bottled up inside me, but after thinking of how's now, it's better for you to just keep it as a secret to yourself sometimes. How im missing your girls right is so undescribeable. Despite anything, you're all still the best girls. Xoxo.
Photographs.
Thursday, February 25, 2010 9:31 PM  Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.           Girls, where are you? I miss you girls alot. Much loves, ♥ Tears.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 7:36 PM  The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. Awkward and torn. Words that could describe our friendship presently. We used to be like a bunch of awesome sisters that got hooked together really well but now strangers indeed. We used to laugh and cry together but now we're rarely seen together. Remember during secondary one that we all had to go for detentions for some stupid actions we got up to? It was like as though we're all a whole. A complete whole. Remember those nerdy times we celebrated hari raya together in 2007? Cheerleading, remember? Those moments when one wanted to join and then the rest too? There were just too many wonderful times with you girls. We were all bonded really well despite all hatred and enemies we had to face last time. We were just too strong together that we were able to overcome it all and put aside all shits cause we believed that we're one great clique that will always be there for one another in either thicks or thins. Remember it all girls? I don't know if you girls still do, but to what i notice and also some others out there, we're just being split up into two clans now. Why so? What is it that's lacking in this friendship? Trust? Honesty? Care and concern? Time? What is it? What's breaking this friendship? I don't know if you girls still care about this friendship or not, but i still do. Observing how things are breaking apart bring me to tears and heartaches. Am i in the wrong somehow too? If i do, speak out please. Yes, im going with the flow of this friendship as im already speechless in all that's happening. I know that nothing could work things out either. I've got that strong instincts, but girls, can i prove it wrong? Can i? If we're not meant to be good friends, then i'll accept it what i deserve. Sometimes when i think back,i just don't deserve to be in the clique of you, four girls. I felt that im just an odd person that do not deserve to be standing there with you girls. I would wnat to try in figuring out to how to resolve everything. Thus, neither of you girls seemed concerned, so might as well i'll just shut things up within myself and move on with the flow of this friendship that i really can't endure anymore. It's all broken into bits, lil bits that would not just be easily glued up back again. Memories of each of you will alwyas remain in me even when we have to not to be together anymore. All the bad and soggy times we had, we managed to hold on. Not anymore now and not any sooner later. I'll just leave everything to fate and let's just make Him decide. Awesomest girls, i apologised for all misdeeds, heartaches or perhaps unfairness that i might have caused towards all of you. Those bad times i had to face, thanks girls for your presence when im in need. Thanks for the listening ears and opinions given out when i need advices. And for the good and memorable times we used to have it all, i thank you girls too for making my life a better one. Without you girls, my world would be rather shallow and soggy. You've all been a part of my life that took up every bits of my heart and writing all of these just concerns me alot. I feel that no one's gonna hear me out anymore like before, so might as well i pour all feels out here. Thanks for all treats and everything, girls. I love all of you so much, i really still do. I just miss everything about us. Everything. </3 Nur Khaliesah: I miss you so much, love. I miss those times when you were always there when im at my worst nightmares. You used to always be there when i need someone to talk to on the phone, someone to text to, someone to hug me when i was crying and someone that will always say, "I love you bbysister. You're one strong bitch. I will always be there if you need someone. You can always count on me okay?" I miss it all. You gave me enough concern and love, any sister would give to their younger ones. You threw me the biggest trust that i learn not to break it till the very now. Do you remember the times we cried together, thinking of how cruel life can be? Honestly, you were the first to cry with me when i was at my lowest. We shared everything together. Thinking it all back, it teared me apart. Everything changed now. You were not like before, that usually will text me everyday, asking me how i am and all. And we are just not like any before. No more us now. I don't blame you alright. I just hope that you'll live your life to the fullest and take good care of yourself okay? And of course, last long with Maman, the amazing one that changed your life. I love you, Kalysa. ♥ Shaqinah: You've changed for the better, dear. I could see that, even the rest i should say. Thanks for the listening ears in class whenever i was really upset, happy or either sad. As to what i've told you, you're the one that i really cliqued well with. You'll always asked why, but you'll never understand how i feel, love. You seemed rather awkward with me just now after recess. Why is it so? Sighs. I noticed everything, everyone. But i'll keep it all to myself so that it won't bug anyone. Remeber how we got close last time? And you were the first one that brought me to Bugis Street and shop. You got me hooked to it infact till we've been going there for the ske of buying tops. How funny we were last time. You know i miss the three of us. And i miss you too. But i'd hope that relationships between us will still go great. Syg, don't ever let anyone take advantage of you anymore okay? Stand strong with pride on your own feet that you don't have to depend on any jerks out there that'll just hurt you much enough. Take good care of yourself and don't get too drifted away with such stuffs that you shouldn't be playing with alright? Well wishes for Qinapiz and hopefully this will be the last. I love you, Qinah. ♥ Siti Zulaiha: You know how i really feel right now, girlf. You have been a great friend for the past four years and i hope that it'll still be counting. We'll try in taking good care of this friendship okay? You and i, we're in the same boat. You know how i feel and i do about yours too. We shall keep on trying hard and never give up alright? We have to make our parents proud and happy. Of all the years, we've been thourgh the different kind of situations that caught us into big misunderstandings. Syg, you take good care of your health okay? And don't let anything bring you down. Thanks for all the times spent together and the advices given when i was feeling rather lonely and down. Last long with Naufal, the one that loves you dearly. Your monthsary's coming, so better be prepared. I love you, Laila. ♥ Syarifah Fadzira: Girlf, i don't really know how you're doing now. We aint anymore like before, like how you used to be my lil sister and will always get cheeky and then smack me. Remember how you used to do that on me? You seldom talks to me now and i don't know why. I guess its due to the different atmosphere now. I guess you're more comfortable with them three. It's great knowing that you can last this long with boyf, to compared like before. I wanna thank you for treats and favours i had from you. I owe you, dear. I miss you so much infact. Those times in class we were talking about Voguelicious and then mentioned about how hot Isaac is supposingly. Talk to me when you feels like to, okay? In hoping that your relationship with Salihin this time will grew stronger than the previous ones alright. I hope that you'll improve in your studies and prove to others that you can be better. Also not forgetting, your art works are all fantastic. Keep working on it then. I love you, Fah. ♥ Nurul Eryanna: Your clumsiness and your bitch-talks are still the same. But something within you changed too. At school, in class, you gave me an impression that you don't give me trust. We've had uncountable misunderstandings before. Im sure we're all matured now to think what's the best for us. Everything has a choice to it. So, i aint against any. It's your life you're gonna live and im no one to stop. Your craziness will just make us laughing our asses out. All i can say is, hook all the boys and get your single life to an end soon. Thanks for all helps and favours when im in need. It's all much appreciated. You just seemed not the old you. The Nurul that i used to know. May you live your life happily with the ones you cherish. I love you, Nurul. ♥ Nurul Asyiqin: You've became part of the clan now and im sure you noticed the big changes. You're a great listening ears yet annoying sometimes. Thanks for the advices that you've given me sincewhile. We just got close and i hope to know you better in the later days. In whatever, don't always put on high hopes okay? Cause high hopes will always drag you down to the lowest and that's when you realise that sometimes hopes are much hurting enough. Well, last long with your beloved, Sepet. And i hope our friendship will go on great lines. I love you, Iqin. ♥ Nur Azifah: Girlf, i don't know where you've went missing. I want to note down that i miss you alot, babe. Those thigns we used to do together before, it was all memorable enough. Those days when you used to come down to my crib and chatted about thousands of things we had to exchange. Im sure you're facing probelsm here and there still, especially at home. Stay strong and obey your mom okay dear? Refrain from going against her like how you did last time. It's good to hear that things are slightly better for you now. Im relieved. And i miss your Aunt. She's very nice indeed. With Hazwan now, i'd hope that he'll be the true guy that you've been searching for sincewhile. Last long and may he brings you happiness. Meet real soon okay? I love you, Zie. ♥
I had you.
Monday, February 22, 2010 9:40 PM  To someone, Please don't have your judgements wrong alright? Are you tryna conclude that ima one weak pathetic bitch that can't get over such jerks like him? You don't know me well yet so might as well, it's better for you to keep your comments to yourself rather than trying to speak shit of me. I can't accept the way you're thinking of me. It's like as if i'm really in the wrong or am i in a desperate situation that you have to say all that i supposed? You just knew me. Just knew, i repeat. Just because im pouring all feels to you, that doesn't mean that im really yearning for him right? Is it wrong? Is it really wrong in expressing it all out to a friend that you 'thought' you could rely on when you're at your weakest? I thought you were really sincere towards me sincewhile. I thought you were sincere in lending your ears to hear my pains out. But i was wrong. I was really wrong to judge. This is what you've been saying and thinking all about me on the other hand perhaps? I don't need you or your bloody hell friend that could make me move forward. I don't need you both. I deserve better than your freaking friend alright. You're just being a bitch sometimes huh? In some ways, i must say there are things that i way dislike about you. When speaking of others, have you ever thought if it does reflect on yourself too? Think again. What you mentioned about others could probably might have once occured in your situation before. And even if you have things to say despite the fucking positive or negative side of me, im gladly encouraging you to speak to me personally cause that would just ease things out smoothly right? And don't ever dream that your fucking friend would be just 'the only one' for me left in this fucking world. Don't overboard my patience, that's all i could say. Know me well and then speak. And please, reflect well on yourself first okay? Everything has a limit and you know who you are. "Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." - Bella, New Moon
Happy Eleventh.
Saturday, February 20, 2010 12:13 AM  Happy Eleventh, Isham Brother. ♥ Semoga panjang umur dan dimurahkan rezeki. Sentiase tersenyum dan jangan irritating sangat ehh please. Semoga doa dan keinginanmu dikabulkanNya. Amin. Eventhough you've been such an irritating-fucked up brother, yet i still love you asshole. I just want to see you success in your studies. I just want you to be able to prove to mom and dad that you're capable to be better. Of all quarrels and shoutings, i still cherish you though. Sayangsayang kamu.      As usual, Fridays will always be the study-group-kind-of-thing. Met up the four pantarts just now and like always, Sepet will always be the late-coming-kind-of-guy-thingy. Haha. Iqin bought a small cake for him and we had only a mini celebration. Finished math assignment and off to Laila's crib to meet up Sha! On the way there, quarter of the cake was being left just like that as it tasted hell disgusting yet alil okay, they said? Sabotaged Sepet, the belated birthday boy and also his freaking shorty girlfriend. Whee, it was hell awesome. It's like as if it was Iqin's birthday instead. Fun and so chaotic eventhough it's only the four of us. Then stayed at Laila's crib with Naufal and watched Santau. I love that freaking movie. Awesomezxzx. At 9pm, off home to celebrate Isham's mini birthday. Suprised him and sabotaged him with the cake on his face too. He freaked out and quickly went to the toilet. Wth. Overall, celebrated two birthdays today and it was hell fun. Currently chatting with Laila, Iqin and guyfriends. My eyes are rather heavy earlier tonight. Going off for bed now. Good night, epic dreams. (: Was it all a fairytale or perhaps just the sweetest nightmare?
War.
Thursday, February 18, 2010 6:25 PM  Hello world. Life has been such an incomplete thing sometimes. It just feels like nothing's going right in either way. How do you overcome this shit feeling? Isn't it funny to pretend that you're always alright, always laughing on the outside but suffering hell inside? Many of us have been victims of these emotions. It simply makes me feel lifeless though. It's like a whole without any fillings. When am i gonna be me again and not being bugged to think of others anymore? Im tired. Im confused sometimes, to who is really willing to hear me out. Everything seemed so spilled. Broken, torn and incomplete. That is all most of my life's about? Friendship? Family? Stupid love thing? Or should i call infatuation? *Helps* Supposingly, i should be updating all these photos and all earlier. But due to ton of assignments yet to be done, it's delayed. So yupp, school's always as per normal so are the passing days. And fyi, i just hate my fucking math teacher! He's hell one junk of shit sometimes. Hell yes, im hating him more infact. Are you tryna play around the bush to just put all the blame on me like as if im one fucked up kid that doesn't always do your fucking assignments?! Its only for the first time lah please, FIRST TIME i repeat. The chinese new year holidays were very much boring. Only that i got to spend time with girlfriends and family on the Monday and Tuesday. On Monday, such an impromptu meet up to Pasir Ris. Iqin, Laila and i bus-ed to Downtown and waited for Sepet there. In the bus, just realised that it was Adib and his girl right infront of us. Dropped and Downtown and tried reaching Sepet. On the way, collided with Asyraf, Hisham and all his primary school mates. They're meeting Mardino at Ehub. Walkedwalked and then separated. While waiting for Sepet, went to Pasir Ris park first to chill. Blablabla, then went to Rivervale Mall and chilled with Laila as Iqin had to hurry home. Slacked and went wild. Tend to try out the skateboard due to boredom and i managed to balance now eversince i last board on it! Hahah. : D     On Tuesday, spent time with family to Expo and then had dinner at Lau Pa Sat in the evening. Thanks to Uncle for the very much treat! Laughters fills up the surroundings when im with them. They're the bestest among all. Lovelovelove them. ♥     Can't say go.
Saturday, February 13, 2010 2:04 PM  Ddy, Mar, Mardino, Cruncrunch! ♥ A happyhappy birthday to you! May all your wishes come true & may happiness be with you. Overcome all shits & keep working hard. Don't ever give up okay. You've now became a better person and im sure you'll be able to prove to others. Keep smiling and still be the happy-go-lucky Mardino you used to be alright? Well Wishes for you pal. (: Forget.
Thursday, February 11, 2010 8:34 PM  And no matter how hard I cry, he isn’t going to pop up and show me it was just a joke.
There's not a need.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010 9:59 PM  I don't know whether am i happy or am i sad. Everything just seemed so upsetting for me. Haven't i gotten over all histories? Am i still in dilemma with all that's happening within my surroundings? Why am i still in darkness whereas i should've been out there laughing my ass out with those awesome people? I just don't get myself. The atmoshphere changed and so do people too. Hmms. Sometimes i just tend to wonder what's the wisdom behind all these? I know i've to move on and to still stand strong on both feets despite all that's happening now. I'm trying to accept all of these factual realities. Where was i? Where did the old me went to? It was sucha drastic change for me. Everything was. I just need peace, period. It was a sudden, or perhaps not. You went now, or maybe forever that you might dislike me? Those times we used to call up each other and had great laughters non-stop, it all kept rewinding through my mind. Before, it was you that seemed to really get interested but i wasn't as i'm just hooked up with complications within myself. Now, it seemed to be me when you isn't anymore. I don't blame you for all. I would understand if you felt neglected or perhaps think that i'm with someone through my reactions. Like i've repeated times, i'm sorry. I know that sorry heals nothing. But that's the least i could do. I'm aware that you're having tons of problems perhaps? Stay strong and i believe that you'll still be the cheerful and crazy you. You seemed rather cold towards me now, i guess. Live your life to the fullest and i won't disturb you if you don't want to okay? I understand your situation now. I've let you off from my mind and my soul too? Things just don't seemed to work in any way. It's not that i wanna jump to conclusions. Just that i felt we won't go any further anymore with this condition infact. You takecare alright? I'll always remember how our friendship started on and those days you swept my darkness away with your care and concern, and your jokes that'll always make me smile. I just didn't realise everything before as i was so stucked. Stucked with alot of confusions. Now that i'm aware, it's a little too late. Thank you for those times, Ammar. We went on our separate ways now. We were just not as before anymore. The bond is obviously ain't there anymore among us. We tend to be rather suspicious and hypocrites behind each other's back instead? Where was the trust and bonded communications we used to have? It all came to a conclusion that we'll never be as close together anymore like before, and there seemed no hope in building the bond again when each have already chosen their own decision to how they want it all to be. Four fucking years now that we've been together and it has already starting to loosen into two different cliques. Never was i or any of you wanted this right? I guess it's already fate. No point in trying to talk things out when the whole thing will just revolve round and round again. If this is how things are meant to be, i'll just accept it eventhough it's hard. For four fucking years, i just can't forget it all. Some of you might think i'm just being rather selfish or unfair perhaps. I never want it too. I've never asked for it even. If you guys tend to walk on your own pathways, i am no one to stop. I don't know till which extend will this friendship bring us to. But i'm still hoping for the best. May fate brings us long, i hope. I just miss us, very badly. ZKAQNF ; Why is everything about you still playing within my mind and my soul? I just need perseverance and faith to get over you soon. I believe i can. Time.
Monday, February 8, 2010 5:03 PM Saturday, 060210. Went job-hunting with Laila. Before that, chatted with dearest cousin, Usop. He was bored and then we planned to meet up together since we were both plan-less. Met him at Tampines Mall with Malik at 3pm. Fuck hell, you were fucking late, pantart! Went all around and asked for vacancy of jobs but then it seemed none of them to be available. Laila and i were both exhausted after all the walks around. We just felt like giving up. Anyway, thanks cousin for accompanying us for the short period of time though. Around 4+, Usop went to meet his girlf and Malik went off home. So we decided to go back Sengkang and meet Naufal instead. Met Naufal under his block and then went to a playground. Chit-chatted till night fall. Took bus and went off to granny's crib since the rest of my family was there and also, i was really famished! In the bus, saw Din! I thought he was someone else infact. Haha. Sucha speedy Saturday spent. (:  Laila girlf. ♥  Sunday, 070210. Picnik-ing with dearest family despite the short time. Drove to East Coast Park to feed tortoises. Mom and Aunt planned to introduce Iana bby to the tortoises. How cute! The last time we went there was like few years back. And now, it all totally changed. There were only left with few tortoises after those years we visited. We spent only awhile there and then off to Courts Megastore to survey furnitures for Aunt's new house to come. After that, they were all noisy from hunger. Around 8+, drove off to Jalan Kayu and had supper there. Uncle treat us all, thanks! Days are passing by faster. Sent them home and off to bed at 12.30am. Great day with familt though. (:  Nenek dan cucu-cucunya. ♥  Cute kan nenekku ini? ♥    Daughter & Mom. ♥  Daughter & Mother. ♥  Dearest Feeeqah. ♥      {Perfect Stranger between you and me now.}
Get over it.
Sunday, February 7, 2010 1:13 AM  When she says "i miss you", she means it. Have you ever?
You.
Thursday, February 4, 2010 9:09 PM  May you be happy with what you've got now. Thanks for the sweetest nightmare you've once given me. And now that you're happy, i shall keep on to my words and not bother you anymore. Friends forever we'll be. </3 Everything is making me more complicated now and then. Do i have to keep on tearing and thinking of everything over and over again? Why am i still hooked onto the past whereas i should have already moved on like how you already are now? After one, there's always another. I don't know who to trust and which is true. But somehow, she has her points that i agreed with. It all came out to be much more unexpected and extremely saddening for me. Why? Why do you keep tossing things up and down? Why are you making things so complicated? I don't really know who to trust, i really don't. But after hearing all confessions, it all gotten me more paranoid and upset. Why was it all? What was your point? Who did you actually tried to get to? Who were you really being sincere towards to? Who did you actually gave it all to at that period of time? You got me thinking way deep harder now. Why am i being clinged onto this kind of situation, with you? Were you really sincere towards me all sincewhile? Were you really being honest with me of what you felt towards her before? Why didn't you just tell me the whole thing? I would understand it all before, but not now. And it's true, true that you've found somebody new to your new life now. Congratulations alright? So sincewhile, you were pretending that you've got no one? Was i supposed to believe you? Why am i being rather doubtful towards you now? You've given me an impression that all boys are the same. I'd thought you were different, the most amazing one. I was holding my hopes really well on your words. But what happened now? What has everything turned to now? You really wanted me to forget you? Be it then, i will try my very best to take all the risks. I will never ever show you my weakness because you already made me one in trying to get over you. It was all really tough, you wouldn't understand though. You've now moved on and you're leaving me crying on my knees. It was you. It was you who once made everything so wonderful and beautiful. It was you who once gave me hopes to keep on living my life without fear. It was you who made a big difference in my life. It was still the same you that broke my heart into bits? It was still the same you that destroy all dreams and hopes? It was still the same you that leave me hanging in dilemma without guidance? You changed it all. Why must it be you? Why is that now i've to lose the same old you that have been taking care of me and showering me love and guidance sincewhile? Why are you trapping me? Why did you let me fall alone now? You've left me alone now. Sometimes i just wonder, what was it that's lacking in me? What was it that wasn't right in your eyes? What was my mistakes? I just don't understand why you had to leave before. You could have just confessed it all and everything single thing out to me. You don't have to leave me wondering day by day till the very day now. I know i have to move on. I have to learn to be independent. I just have to live with everything without your presence in my life ever. I'll just have to be like you. Right? I'll just find hell someone and move on with my fucking life to get a fucking better future. You'll just not understand what i felt. You made me like this, you were the cause of everything that i became like this. Why? You could see me smiling and living a happy life indeed? Hell, fuck with all those that cause' im just living in shit. Among the many, why could it just have been you? Farewell, someone.
Final goodbye now.
Monday, February 1, 2010 9:48 PM The truth has been proved sincewhile i'm awaiting. I shall ask no more than just these truths. It's all right before my eyes and i guess im done with it. A pal mentioned, when someone is already happy, it's better to just leave him alone. And i'm doing it from now till i don't know which extend can i get. May you be happy with all that you've got now. It's gonna be a final goodbye now. Takecare, someone.
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