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Funfunfun.
Monday, November 30, 2009 1:35 PM Exhausted yet fun. Am frigging tired now as we've been going out all day long since friday. But yesterday was an awesome one, yes of course. Guess what ? Five families of mine went to the Zoological Garden together. Thank God it wasn't pouring yesterday, or else we'll all be scattered all over. Hahah. Watch shows and exhibits as per normal. Blabla, ateateate and walkwalkwalk. Like for real, we all woke up as early as 6am just to get dressed and off to pick up one family and then another. Tired, exhausted and then off home. Being all day at the Zoo was tiring enough too, what more with animals here and there. Hahah. Reached there around 9.30am and off home at 6.30pm. Long enough or what !? Outing without photos is so not me. Kwangs ! Had fun with families, but yet, heart is not at ease.                                Pretense.
Thursday, November 26, 2009 11:22 AM  Life is full of pretense. Sometimes, you just have to pretend if you want things to go the best way right ? Happiness is the outmost you got to sacrifice to see others happy too. The skies seemed grey, the days seemed colourless. Life is full of sorrows, full of memories. But still, we've got to move on no matter how hard it takes us. She've been thinking and asking herself alot lately. But still, she had found no answer yet. It's crying, it's moaning in pain. Guidance is what she seemed to have lost. She loses herself now. She felt that she've lost her most everything in her life. She knows she have to be strong and still smile. Indeed, behind those smiles and laughters lies her inner screams of pretending and her most excruciating pain she've ever felt. Counting the stars will never end, but when will these all end ? It's getting colder, it's getting lonelier. Pretending is all she could ever do now. It's hard for her to accept the fact still but she knows she'll try her best when she even knows that it hurts alot deep down. Knowing that you're happy will make her happy too. She knows that your life is still full of problems and shits. But hang in there okay cause' she believed you're really strong. Don't ever give up okay ? She's glad to know that you're somehow feeling relieved now. You made it all so wonderful before, but then you had to leave. You had to, she knows. She'd thought you'd still do, but she've guessed it wrongly. Eventhough you said you were fine, she still had doubts. Cause' her instincts whispered that you're still living within dark shadows that are haunting you day and night. She knows you're in need of someone, she would be glad to. But do you allow her to be ? You left her without a word to say now. She's still holding on tight to the memories of you, cause' that's the only treasure that she'e left with. She could only dream and hope. But somehow, she realised that she's sorry that she held her hopes too high. All her dreams that she wanted to share and spend with you is not yet answered. It's all hopeless now, it's all crashed down the drain. Remember those times you had plans with her and she did too ? It all ended way too soon. She could only wish, in hoping that you could know what she feels. Is she still strong, for herself and for you too ?
Speechless.
Monday, November 23, 2009 1:02 PM  Should i smile because you're my friend
or cry because thats all we'll ever be ? How's tomorrow ?
Monday, November 16, 2009 2:25 PM .jpg) I tried to think what's best for myself. I tried to think what's ahead of me. I'm just so confused. I'd asked myslef alot of questions. Thousands of it is wandering in mind right now. I don't know what to do, i don't know how. Everytime when i come to think of it, tears will flow down my cheek. I tried to ignore, i tried to avoid. But i simply can't. So much. It's just so much. I'm not at ease, i'm not contented. And how could i be happy ? I'd just feel that part of me is gone, totally gone. All i that i'm doing every night is to just cry my heart out and pray. What more could i do ? I ain't strong anymore, not like any before. The more i try to get over it, the more i tend to think of it. It's just so uneraseable. Just that someone you really love, the one that you adore. Those hard times we used to go through together, those happy laughters we used to share together. Remember ? Do you still remember those times we ate ice-creams together ? Those times we sat by the beach and ease our mind ? Those times we drank bubble-tea and i kept teasing you of the straw's colour ? Those midnight conversations ? Those endless moments, do you still remember it all ? Are happy moments meant to be only for awhile ? I'd hope you are really doing fine, friend. Memories are the treasures that we keep locked deep within the storehouse of our souls, to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely. I'd lie.
Friday, November 13, 2009 3:02 PM  The hottest love has the coldest end. Im not being myself lately. Things are just too messed up. I guess this is the only place where i pour everything out without troubling anyone. My blog, my say alright ? So, i'd hope readers wouldn't be asking me what is it about, please. I shall keep it to myself and it is supposed to be that way. I'm sorry if some of you might be wondering why i'm like this, why i'd have to do this. I wouldn't want everything to happen this way either. Everything is so complicated and i can't figure out myself either. As for rah love, these posts ive been writing about, aint about that jerk, sayang. I'm so over him, i swear. It's not that i don't wanna share or am i being choosy to tell people. Just that i feel, it's my inner personal problem. I've been having mood swings lately, im feeling so crushed, so pathetic and so sadsadsadsadsad ? Only God knows how i am now. How am i in need of someone ? How am i in need of a guidance ? Everything just had to end this way, most that we've never wanted from the beginning. But it's fated from Him, we shall accept it alright ? I know things are getting harder and problems are piling up for you. And therefore, i wouldn't want to bother you anymore and add up to your burdens. After of what i've said to you before, i'm sorry. I don't even have the intention of hurting you and be an additional problem for you. I regret, for all that i've said. But all i can say now, stay strong and overcome all those problems with faith and confidence okay ? My prayer will always be with you. I just wanna say sorry for all those times i've been bothering you when i should've not. I'm just wondering how you're doing now. We used to be there for each other and always be updated about each other's life. But i guess now, things are different. Just so different till i break down and cry. Day and night, i kept asking myself why all these must happened now. Why not before ? Why not later ? Why now ? Sighs. I'm feeling very sorry and sad for you, in having to see this condition of yours now. I'd wished to help. But my part is only to be there for you as a friend. It hurts alot deep down. But no matter what, i know i've still gotta smile for you. I'm sorry that i've to pretend that im just fine when you asked about my condition, whereas i know myself is totally out of hands now. I couldn't get grip of me, i couldn't get grip of all these that's happneing. I still can't live with this fact yet. The truth hurts so much that i lost count of my teardrops. All that i do, everywhere i go, all reminds me of you. I'm not faking a story here, but it's true. At times i'd just asked, why the coincidence ? Sighs. What's the wisdom behind all these ? God, can i know ? Why do we have to be like this now ? God, give me strength, give me light. I don't know to who shall i turn to, but i know it's always You that will always be hearing me out. I'm sorry to say these, but it's what i felt. I'm not tryna point fingers at anyone. Sometimes, people will say that they'll be there for you when you need them. But they aren't really there at your worst nightmare. They aren't really there when you badly needs them and they didn't even asked how you're doing till at a point of time, once in a blue moon, they'll call you up and ask. That's really saddening to know. I know i might be alil weird or even awkward now. But that's how i am now, just a stranger girl next door. Sighs. I feel so lonely, i feel so not me. I know i need time. Time on my own, time to sort these complications out. But as days passed, i'm getting haywire. Some of you might think im bullshitting here, but that's the real fact i'm living with. I don't feel happy, contented and as comfortable i used to be. I just feel so plain, without any colours within me. Faking a smile, trying to hold on strong and just be somebody else is what im doing now. I'm more to myself lately. I don't wanna bother people and im just living with myself. At certain point of life, you'd just have to do things that you don't wanna do. Just so lonely.
Monday, November 9, 2009 12:37 PM  I try to hold on, but it hurts so much. I try to forget you, but it was always you i'd think of. I miss joking around with you. I miss how you made me smile. I miss you , us and everything. Can i have the old days back ?? - sadly i couldn't. RFA's AWESOMEXZXZXZX.
Sunday, November 8, 2009 12:32 PM Things are getting worst. Sighs. But nevertheless, im still for it to RFA's gig yesterday. The drummer, vocalist, guitarist and the bassist was all AWESOME ! Infact, RFA was a blast yesterday. They rawk the stage like fucking hell fantastic. And what's more inspiring was that, partly of the whole place was filled up with RFA's supporters ! How cool. (: After sweating and rawking with the band, pictures time ! Andandand, not forgetting, MARDINO was sucha surprise for us all. Damn, it has been some time already since we last met you pal. You awesome friend, meet up again sooon aye ? And don't think too much and be so stressed up tawuk. (: And sorry that i fell asleep already yesterday, if not can talktalk. Sorry :( After pictures and all, nurul zulaiha ashikin me and nazu tend to make a move first. And damn, i was fugging hungry at that point of time. Quickly mrt-ed to compass point and down to kfc. Eateateat, KENYANG PUN ! :D Parents aint at home, so slacked at sculpture park with nurul and zulaiha. They wanted to accompany me to wait for mom and dad. Thanks girls ! And nurul, MBA is a fucking awesome movie. You should watch it real sooon. And i'd bet you did already =.='          Without realising.
Monday, November 2, 2009 4:37 PM  Saying goodbye is never easy It's the hardest thing to do But what hurts even more Is not the chance to say it to you. Yesterday is just a memory Our laughter was sunny and bright Then clouds started to gather For you were no where in sight. You were my first real love And this I will never forget How you left without a warning No good-byes, my only regret. Wherever I may be now Always searching for another so true To place my world of emotion Handing my love to someone like you. If again I must go there And experience all the pain I would do it in a minute For all the good I would gain. No matter what my wrongs You offered only love Until the day you left me For your new home up above. I know you still are with me Your love is within my heart Though life is no longer present Our souls will never part. This is given to you in honor Of all that we did share I just wanted you to know, dear, How much I really did care. |
