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I'd lie.
Friday, November 13, 2009 3:02 PM



The hottest love has the coldest end.

Im not being myself lately. Things are just too messed up. I guess this is the only place where i pour everything out without troubling anyone. My blog, my say alright ? So, i'd hope readers wouldn't be asking me what is it about, please. I shall keep it to myself and it is supposed to be that way. I'm sorry if some of you might be wondering why i'm like this, why i'd have to do this. I wouldn't want everything to happen this way either. Everything is so complicated and i can't figure out myself either. As for rah love, these posts ive been writing about, aint about that jerk, sayang. I'm so over him, i swear. It's not that i don't wanna share or am i being choosy to tell people. Just that i feel, it's my inner personal problem. I've been having mood swings lately, im feeling so crushed, so pathetic and so sadsadsadsadsad ? Only God knows how i am now. How am i in need of someone ? How am i in need of a guidance ? Everything just had to end this way, most that we've never wanted from the beginning. But it's fated from Him, we shall accept it alright ? I know things are getting harder and problems are piling up for you. And therefore, i wouldn't want to bother you anymore and add up to your burdens. After of what i've said to you before, i'm sorry. I don't even have the intention of hurting you and be an additional problem for you. I regret, for all that i've said. But all i can say now, stay strong and overcome all those problems with faith and confidence okay ? My prayer will always be with you. I just wanna say sorry for all those times i've been bothering you when i should've not. I'm just wondering how you're doing now. We used to be there for each other  and always be updated about each other's life. But i guess now, things are different. Just so different till i break down and cry. Day and night, i kept asking myself why all these must happened now. Why not before ? Why not later ? Why now ? Sighs. I'm feeling very sorry and sad for you, in having to see this condition of yours now. I'd wished to help. But my part is only to be there for you as a friend. It hurts alot deep down. But no matter what, i know i've still gotta smile for you. I'm sorry that i've to pretend that im just fine when you asked about my condition, whereas i know myself is totally out of hands now. I couldn't get grip of me, i couldn't get grip of all these that's happneing. I still can't live with this fact yet. The truth hurts so much that i lost count of my teardrops. All that i do, everywhere i go, all reminds me of you. I'm not faking a story here, but it's true. At times i'd just asked, why the coincidence ? Sighs. What's the wisdom behind all these ? God, can i know ? Why do we have to be like this now ? God, give me strength, give me light. I don't know to who shall i turn to, but i know it's always You that will always be hearing me out. I'm sorry to say these, but it's what i felt. I'm not tryna point fingers at anyone. Sometimes, people will say that they'll be there for you when you need them. But they aren't really there at your worst nightmare. They aren't really there when you badly needs them and they didn't even asked how you're doing till at a point of time, once in a blue moon, they'll call you up and ask. That's really saddening to know. I know i might be alil weird or even awkward now. But that's how i am now, just a stranger girl next door. Sighs. I feel so lonely, i feel so not me. I know i need time. Time on my own, time to sort these complications out. But as days passed, i'm getting haywire. Some of you might think im bullshitting here, but that's the real fact i'm living with. I don't feel happy, contented and as comfortable i used to be. I just feel so plain, without any colours within me. Faking a smile, trying to hold on strong and just be somebody else is what im doing now. I'm more to myself lately. I don't wanna bother people and im just living with myself. At certain point of life, you'd just have to do things that you don't wanna do.

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