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Let me be alone.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 8:19 PM  The day was shagged and pathetic. Exams are finally over and next, gonna shiver for the upcoming results. After one, why must be another? I never knew that you would suddenly said all those. Yes, till the very moment now i have not texted nor update you with anything since you last texted me. Because i felt that i need some space to be alone and think. I don't even know whether i am mad or angry with you. I just felt alil upset to hear such news when you suddenly reached me. I know that things are getting apart and our relationship are straining aside. I understand how bad it feels like. But i can't help it either. Time doesn't stop for anyone, my dear. Everyone would wish to have time at their fingertips but sadly we couldn't. I know you're upset, paranoid and confused with all that's happening within your lives. I can do nothing but to only be there for you and pour you advices. It's upsetting yet very painful to know the truth that your trust in me actually started to fade. I don't blame you for it. Everyone has their own perspective view and opinions to voice out. I then realized that i have not been a better friend for you. Yes, everything just seemed to get out of hands. We're less communicating, seeing each other and what more understanding each other right? Im sorry if this friendship were to be an additional problem for you. I guessed what you mentioned were true. Friendship is hard to handle, huh? I was never expecting you to say all those. Nevertheless, it's your right to voice out what you feel of this friendship. I very well admit that i have not been taking good care of our friendship? Have i been understanding you at your best sincewhile? Have i been the greatest friend or perhaps a sister to you sincewhile? You said yes. But no, i wasn't. Im sorry if my absence in your life now adds up to the miseries you're facing. Dearest, seeing me fine, laughing and smiling doesn't always conclude that im a perfect person without any ups and downs. That doesn't mean im happy with my life when sometimes that i had to pretend to lead a better life. How much i need you, how much i need all the close ones i used to turn to is a very deep emotion that i am not willing to pour. I wouldn't want to trouble anyone else anymore to hearing my problems and my pretense. I am trying well to learn to stand on my own and not be too depending on others. I have also got my miseries that i have been keeping all alone. I know i have not been sharing with you and not coming to you even when i know i need you at my worst. Its because i want to learn to be independent. And that doesn't mean that i don't need you, i don't cherish you. I very well do. You'e not selfish to have said all that. You're just being pushed to deep emotions that paranoids you harder each day. You're going through a hard time now. Focus well on your family and not prioritise our friendship yet alright? Your family needs you and you need them. I want you to know that i still love this friendship that we've built for seven fucking years. I don't wanna lose it just like that. I don't wanna lose you either. But after of all you've confessed, i guess i need time to be alone now. All i have got to say is that i know im not being a good friend, to you, to Lailabby and girlfriends. Or just anyone else. Im sorry everyone. I think friendship has been playing a big part in my life that got me hanging now and then. InsyaAllah, i will find a solution for our friendship in getting better. I wanna say sorry for everything, for all these times that i've been hurting you perhaps or so. And thank you for everything and every sacrifications you've made for me during this seven years being together. I love you, best friend, sister. And i miss you too, that's if you believe it. I need time to be alone now. So i guess, you shouldn't be stressing up too much about us alright? Take good care of yourself if i couldn't yet at my best.
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