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I tried so hard.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009 11:57 PM

I tried, very hard. But why is it still the same ? No changes, no nothing. I tried really hard to hold on strong and keep all the secrets within myself. But i simply can't. Everything have changed, alot that i'd see. But this same old girl isn't changing at all. It has really taken control over me and i'm helpless of what to do. I seek no help cause i know it won't change still. All i need is that one thing, that one person. I'm not asking for more. I know, very well, it won't be the same again. I'm not putting on any high hopes like i used to cause i know that will really break the hell of out me badly. You have your life and i have mine now. I'm just a normal human being and i am aware that i can do nothing to soothen your decision. It's a tough one, yes. And if that's the best for you, i'm always behind you. I'm not saying good bye cause i'm still hoping for you. But i'll just disappear from your life and not wreck things up. Incase if anything, take good care okay ? All that's left is only memories. Beautiful and unforgettable memories. I wanna thank you. Thank you for all those times you were being there for me when i was at my lowest. Thank you for all those guidance you've been giving me throughout my journey in life. Thank you for always making me smile and laugh without fail even when you know i was really upset with something. Thank you for keeping my secrets safe with you. And i really wanna thank you for every single thing you've done for me, even those that i didn't list it down here. I'm really thankful and greatful that God has introduced someone as nice as you in my life. I'll never forget you even i had to go far, never. You mean alot to me, you really do. But it seems that you don't really know ? I don't blame you for anything cause i believe that everything happened for a reason. I just need strength to overcome all these. But i don't have it at all now. Alot, and much more that i wanna express it out. But it's all unreplaceable by words. I can't type all these feelings out like i'd thought i could. Everytime i'd think of you, tears will begin to wet my cheeks. I wanna pretend no more as i'm really sick and tired of it. Pretending is so not me. I know that someday i'll still have to open up. I'm still hoping for you, but let me just keep you as a secret to the world. I guess that's the best for you and for myself. And not forgetting, thank you for making me know what life really is.


Please don't hold your hopes too high ? Please don't expect me to say words that i couldn't. Please don't ask questions that i couldn't answer at this moment. I'm beginning to see something out of you but sadly, i don't think i'm going any further for now. I just don't feel right sometimes. And i'm sorry that i had to pretend at certain point of times. Friends told me to go for you but i simply can't. My heart hasn't yet been unlocked for someone. I really don't wanna see you getting hurt in the future if you keep holding your hopes too high. The atmosphere isn't just right yet. I'd really hope you understand my situation and my intentions. I don't wanna mess things anymore as i've had enough of doing things that i really don't wanna do. I am still trying to be me when i'm simply somebody else now.


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